So, remember last week when I talked about being happy in 2020? Well, you know, mood swings happen…
Seriously, all the things I wrote about last week still exist. But I’ve been having a wonky couple of days. I blame Facebook Memories to start…all these pictures of summer parties and fairs and baseball games…
I’ve really been struggling with not being able to do those things for Jeffrey this summer. By all indications, he’s having a completely lovely summer nonetheless.
And there’s nothing I can do about the fact that those things don’t exist for us this year. But the mom guilt was there nonetheless.
And as we learn more about what the start of the school year, that feeling only increases…the worry that “normality” is slipping further away. I don’t want us to rush back to normal when the world is not ready for it. But my parental feeling of wanting to provide all the normal things, even though providing those is out of my control, was still there.
This led to the general wonky, sad feeling I’ve been walking around with the past couple of days. So, what’s pulling me out of it?
- Perspective. I know the things that are making me feel wonky are small in the grand scheme of things. And I also know that all those things that were making me feel happy last week still exist. So, I can allow myself to feel the wonkiness but not dwell there.
- Yoga. I largely just cried through this morning’s class. But no matter what, coming to my mat, moving my body, and quieting my mind always help. Also, focusing on the very yogic notion that everything is temporary. This feeling. This time. It’s temporary.
- My people, who listen and hold me up (virtually or actually) and tell me to make a list of good things and just are unfailingly present.
- The new The Chicks album, Cleveland Indians Opening Day, and the promise of lots of socially-distant margaritas (it IS National Tequila Day after all.)
My point is, just as it’s OK to be happy right now, it’s OK to be sad and it’s OK to be sad over things that seem small in the grand scheme of things. You can have those moments. You can feel all of it, simultaneously even. Maybe that’s one of the great lessons for me this year…